“Food fight!” — Bluto, National Lampoon’s Animal House
I don’t know why I didn’t make the connection between my 14-year-old son Jacob and Bluto sooner. There were certainly plenty of signs. Like when Jacob asked for a “Food Fight” party to celebrate his 8th birthday. He certainly hadn’t seen National Lampoon’s Animal House. But somehow, he was channeling the energy of John Belushi’s iconic toga-wearing frat boy character even at that early age.
Birthdays were a great creative outlet for all of us when our sons were younger. Both boys took ownership of their parties, from theme development to cake design to activities planning. I must have been feeling guilty about something, since I agreed to the food fight party without much hesitation, with the caveat that it had to be outside.
It is the one and only time in my life that I have cooked mashed potatoes from a box. To my surprise, they didn’t taste that bad. More importantly, the weird potato flakes provided a cheap and quickly prepared input for the arsenal.
Best of all, the mashed potatoes were perfect for scooping up with little hands and throwing; they had enough heft to cover some ground even if your pitching technique needed work. The whipped cream was harder to throw (too light), but the Jello clumps proved to be respectable ammo. The kids wore disposable rain ponchos, which made for a satisfying “splat” sound whenever the moving targets were hit.
“What was I thinking?” did cross my mind right before we let the kids loose with the food. But the hilarity of the ensuing scene washed away any second thoughts (my only oversight was not having the kids take their shoes off–flip flops would have been a lot easier to clean).
Jacob’s wacky idea for a birthday party became family legend. We embraced the energy and the chaos that accompanied the event. The fact that it was his birthday made that degree of acceptance easier to muster.
Since then we’ve had countless opportunities to practice acceptance of Jacob’s inspirations, like, “What will happen if I run over the newspaper with the lawn mower?”
Or, “What will happen if I aim my paintball gun at Mom’s birdhouse and pull the trigger?” (Don’t worry, there were no birds in the house before the hole was blown through it.)
Or, “What will happen if I add blue food coloring to surf board wax and melt it all up in Mom’s sauce pan?”
None of the above happened on a birthday. All of the above resulted in yelling on my part. Jacob’s favorite refrain became, “Excuse me for being a curious x-year-old (fill in the age) boy.”
But while I’ve said for a couple of years now that our life often feels like a scene out of Animal House, the comparison of Jacob to Bluto only goes so far.
I hadn’t seen the movie in over 20 years when we sat down with the boys a couple of months ago to introduce them to the classic. I had forgotten about the topless women and bare bottoms (oops). I had forgotten about the overt sexual references (oops). I had forgotten about the blatant aggrandizement of alcohol (oops). Yes, it seems I had forgotten just about every scene of the movie except for the food fight and the toga party.
I questioned the comparisons I had made between Jacob and Bluto. Watching the movie reminded me of their differences. For instance, Jacob is fashion forward. He showers every day. He’s an excellent student. He’s articulate (when he chooses to be). He’s an athlete. Bluto can’t make even a modest claim to any of those qualities.
Having said that, my son and Belushi’s character do get the same twinkle in the eye when a wacky–and almost always risky–idea comes to mind. Maybe it’s an evolutionary protective trait that makes your mother love you a little more right before you do something stupid.
You can’t help loving Bluto even as he’s sneaking the horse into the dean’s office. Or when he’s chanting, “TOGA! TOGA!” Or when he’s crushing a beer can against his head in an attempt to cheer up a friend.
Jacob and Bluto simply love the promise of life. They revel in the “what will happen if” moments. They’re not afraid to put themselves out there. They draw on deep creative reserves and produce splashy results (sometimes quite literally).
They may act first and ask for forgiveness later. But for Jacob, it’s what allows him to discover hidden mysteries that may not present themselves later. It’s what keeps that screw just loose enough to make him a fearless soccer goalie.
And it’s what makes him an excellent spiritual teacher for me, although he hates it when I label him that way. “Stop saying that,” he objects when he reads the draft of this blog post. “I don’t believe in that stuff!”
But it’s true. The spiritual exercise kicks in as soon as I find myself yelling, “JACOB!”
The test is to see how quickly I can bring myself back to mindful awareness, taking a breath, letting him do the talking instead of drowning out the teaching moment with my own reactivity.
If I’m having a really good day, I will catch myself before I yell. I will have enough space between my thoughts to ask, “What’s the lesson in this?”
Because there is always a lesson to be found, both for him, and for me. The universe just likes to keep the scavenger hunt interesting.
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Bill Apablasa says
All I can say Martha is I want to hang out with Max! The world needs more Max’s, almost the same way the world needs more brilliant posts like this. I am going to take your advice…and seek out and cherish all those “space between my thoughts” moments where we learn what we need to learn.
Martha says
Thanks, Bill. Yes, I believe you and Max would get along quite well. So far he’s used his power mostly for good, rather than evil. We’ll try to keep him moving in that direction. It’s a wild ride!
Lauren Crum says
My favorite entry!!!
Martha says
Thanks, Lauren! I know you can relate to this category of energy and enjoy it as much as I do (which is most, but not all, of the time).
jenny says
great piece–had no idea about that food fight party–genius idea!
Martha says
Thanks, Jen. The food fight party happened when we were living in Germany. Maybe we can do another one for Thanksgiving next year (I’ll bring the mashed potatoes).
Ellen Van Buren says
The mother of the “blogger” prefers to share my responses to the blog via telephone. (Like, each day). As the grandmother of “Max”, I must go public with one of many experiences with this young man.Shortly after his 12th birthday he informed me that it was OK for him to ride in the front seat of my car. (He had been reminding me of this fact for the past year). We returned from an afternoon at the movies. Parking at “the old folks home” where I reside is underground. After I pulled into parking place (between cement pillars (?)–(old folks home), I stepped out of the car. There were big black marks on the rear fender. I called out to Max–(more like a yell)–“look what someone did to my car!”. Out of the corner of my eye, I am looking at a golf cart at full speed crossing the parking lot–stopping just short of a new cadillac–like a few inches..The driver ??? Twelve year old Max. The “maintainance” crew cart was parked in the slot next to mine. Max just happened to step in and ON the GO pedal. Because he excells at all sports, he had driven a golf cart. He knew how to come to an abrupt halt. We have never figured out just how it got started.
Gr E (me) was furious! I think I yelled. :”What were you thinking?” I said,”Now what do we do?” Max said “We push it back”. We did and it was easy. We then waited for the elevator. I looked at my grandson. He had a double whammy. Moving golf cart and yelling Grandmother.
I suddenly thought back those many years ago when I was his age. He and I are alike in so many ways. I would not have been able to resist the temptation. But I would not have known where the brake was. Before the elevator arrived to take us to a safe place, my small apartment. I gave him a big hug and said—“I won’t tell your parents”. Of course, I eventaully did and it is one of many “Max” stories. He is only 14….There will will many to follow.He was here for dinner last night. “Max”, we love you !! And I am learning so much from his mother how to “let it go”..Martha, (your real name), I seldom have occasion to yell, but if I feel like it, I think of you—my admiration for a job well done !
Martha says
Thanks for sharing this illustrative story, Mom. You’ve reminded me that it’s less than a year and a half before he can get his drivers permit. Breathing….breathing…
Brian says
HAH! for whatever reason scenes from Kung Fu Panda popped into my head.
Oogway: My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours until you let go of the illusion of control.
Shifu: Illusion?
Oogway: Yes.
[points at peach tree]
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu: I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!
Oogway: Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide, to nurture it, to believe in it.
Shifu: But how? How? I need your help, master.
Oogway: No, you just need to believe. Promise me, Shifu, promise me you will believe.
Martha says
Sorry for the delay in replying to your comment, Brian. I’ve been thinking about it for a week! I wanted to come up with some witty response, but that would just ruin the perfection of the quote. How delightful to be able to draw from Animal House AND Kung Fu Panda to describe the experience of parenting this child. Thanks for your thoughtful reply (which even required research on your part — more points for you!).
Miles Cobbett says
Nice blog :) By the way do you remember a movie about a neighbor that starts up a hemi-powered law mower at 6 am on Sundays and chases neighbor with a remote control helicopter? Was John Belushi the neighbor from hell in that? I’m trying to recall the name of the movie.
Miles
Martha says
Hi Miles! I can’t say I remember the movie you’re talking about. Sounds like a character that Belushi would have enjoyed playing, but it doesn’t ring a bell. Thanks for the visit. Glad you enjoyed the post! Martha