When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. ~ Eckhart Tolle
I’ve spent the past few weeks writing about my post-holiday reboot process, so far covering food, shelter, mind, and body.
Today is the last installment of the series–the spirit/soul reboot–and the post most likely to scare people away. Try to hang in there. I’ll try not to get too airy fairy on you.
Reenergizing your spirit (or soul or spirituality or inner being, whatever you want to call it) can be as simple as seeking out a few moments of stillness.
Quiet, Please!
My life is loud, mostly due to my two teenaged sons. Living with an African Grey parrot and a dog with a chronic cough (better than the seizures he suffered from until recently) turns the volume up even higher. The decibel level rose yet again when our Aussie exchange student joined the party for a few months over the holidays.
Until a couple of years ago, the noise in my house was matched by noise just as loud and chaotic inside my head — you know, the stream of incessant thought that keeps you spinning your wheels without getting anywhere?
Does any of this internal dialogue sound familiar to you?
- “I should have done X instead of Y.”
- “I’m so embarrassed by X or Y.”
- “When will I ever have time to do X or Y?”
- “I can’t believe they did X or Y to me.”
- “When will my kids grow up enough to do X or Y?”
- (Or even more frequently) “When will my kids grow up enough to STOP doing X or Y?”
I could stuff earplugs in my ears, but that would only shut out the kid noise. I would still be trapped in the same prison cell with the crazy-making voice inside my head.
It wasn’t until Eckhart Tolle’s work (A New Earth and The Power of Now, among other books) helped me recognize that the domineering internal voice was ego, and not my true “self” (or spirit, or soul, or inner being), that I was able to switch off the brain blather. What a relief to learn that the bully wasn’t “me.”
The other revelation was that ego is what keeps us focused on the past and the future, making us miss out on what’s happening right in front of our noses. If you look closely at the internal dialogue above, all of it has to do either with something that happened in the past or that might happen in the future. Since we can only take action in the present moment, our attention should be focused on the here and now.
How to Hear Your Soul-Self Think
This is where I might lose some of you. I’ll just put it out there. I believe there’s a higher intelligence that connects all of us, and is within all of us. I don’t feel it (or hear it) by looking outward, I feel it (and hear it) by looking inward.
I know I’m turning off both my atheist friends and some of my traditionally religious friends. I won’t be offended if you grab your hat and leave.
My guess is, though, that regardless of where you lie on the spirituality spectrum, you still experience a sense of what I’m talking about when you’re in the midst of nature.
Whether we’re walking in a forest, hiking a mountain trail, or watching a sunrise, most of us find that our heads clear, the smallest details come into focus, we catch the scent of wild flowers, and notice the variety of bird calls in the distance.
That level of conscious alertness only comes when we’ve quieted our minds. The stillness awakens us. We feel at peace, fully present and connected with our truest self.
And as Eckhart Tolle writes in Stillness Speaks, “Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.”
How to Snatch A Little Stillness Each Day
It’s easy to access that sense of inner stillness when you’re surrounded by nature. But what about in the midst of our chaotic everyday lives? Here are a few strategies that have worked for me:
1. Learn to enjoy your own company. Schedule some time for yourself. Go for a walk (solo), or prepare a beautiful meal for yourself. Focus your attention fully on the present moment, resisting the temptation to fall into thinking about the past or future.
2. Turn off the TV, especially if you just have it on “in the background.”
3. Turn off the car radio from time to time. I’m an NPR freak, but news overload is one of my major sources of head clutter. Newsflash: more “knowledge” doesn’t equal more wisdom.
4. Track how much time you’re spending on emails, texting, Facebook or other social media. Use a timer to set boundaries for yourself.
5. Meditate. As I’ve written in recent posts, all you need is 10 minutes a day, preferably in the morning. I’m amazed at how my daily practice has helped me access stillness not only during the meditation session, but throughout the rest of the day as well.
6. Take a few mindful breaths periodically, giving your full attention to both your in-breath and out-breath. This is especially helpful to combat obsessive thinking brain blather.
7. Exercise. Yoga, Pilates, tai chi, etc. are obvious choices, but even higher intensity cardio exercise makes you focus fully on the present moment.
“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mia Gardiner says
Hi – Your notes today reminded me of a comment a friend of mine made soon after we bought our log cabins on the mountain top. I was describing to him how I felt when I was there and he said “Mia, I think you have found your spirit house”. The quiet of the mountain, the beauty of the nature surrounding me, the joy of being a part of it all, create for me the inner stillness you wrote of. And if I close my eyes and think of being on the mountain I can find that for a moment at sea level too :-)
Martha says
Yes, Mia, this is exactly what I’m talking about! Thanks for sharing such a perfect example of how you reboot your spirit. And having been to your spirit house(s) myself, I couldn’t agree more that the mountain cabins are a deep source of stillness for anyone lucky enough to visit. xxoo M.
kt says
The connecting higher intelligence who/that you mention may certainly be the energy of the universe that connects us all, not necessarily dictating our daily paths, decisions, outcomes but permitting us to feel a part of a larger community. I think you offend neither atheists nor theists with the idea that we all are part of the same organism…it is in how we honor this unity that varies amongst those who adhere to traditional religions vs. those who seek their own explanation for why our hearts beat.
Martha says
Wow — how beautifully expressed! I think you would have done a better job with this post than I did, KT! Thanks for your thoughtful (and thought-provoking) synopsis of what I was trying to convey. Love it.
kt says
Must this inner stillness result only from quiet and calm or can it be present during intense moments of joy such as when cantering along a wooded path? This is when the rest of the world fades to grey and the voices in MY head join into a single whisper of gratitude.
Martha says
Absolutely, KT. And let me just say, you have a poet hidden inside of you. Thanks for giving us a little peak into your soul. Sounds like you’ve got a soul-mate in that horse of yours as well. xxoo M.
jindra says
M this is great! without stillness even (especially?) when we are waiting at a red light, or kissing our beloved partners, kids or pets, we miss the present moment which is all we have! i am trying to check my smartphone less, and breathe more ;) Great post, thx again!
Martha says
Thanks, Jindra. This week I’ve been trying to not check my smartphone at red lights. A modern day spiritual practice, and a real struggle! My smartphone may make me smarter, but certainly not any wiser. xxoo M.
Scott Gardiner says
Excellent words of wisdom for all of us to follow Martha! I’m trying to kick start my daily meditation too. Easier said than done! Jenny and I spent last Saturday at a silent meditation retreat. Have you ever done that? I find it really calming.
Martha says
Oooohhh…a silent mediation retreat! Sounds heavenly! I definitely have to add that to my bucket list. The closest thing I have to a silent retreat these days is my bathtub.
jenny says
great advice–thoughts that neat repeating (and repeating and repeating). thanks for the reminder!
Martha says
Thanks, Jenny. Every day I start over with the whole process (repeating, repeating, repeating).
Pamela Wills says
Martha, this post reminds me to take a drive to the beach (less than 10 minutes from my house!), open the window and just sit and listen for awhile. It’s almost spring here on Cape Cod so it has been a few months. It’s time! Thanks for this!
Martha says
Lucky you to have such a beautiful escape so close by, Pamela. Thanks for sharing your source of stillness. And thanks for checking in to the site!
Kerry Swetmon says
Wonderful information, Martha. I needed this healthy reminder:)
Martha says
Thanks, Kerry! Great to connect with you here!
Judy Griffin says
Really appreciate this one Martha. As stillness and enjoying the present moment is something I strive for. Also, a big topic in my Lifestyle Coaching. Love the Eckhart Tolle quote you shared- “Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.”
Martha says
So glad to have another kindred spirit join in the conversation, Judy. We need more stillness (and presence) advocates in the world! Thank you!
Wendy says
Hi Martha, You always have me there on your Tolle wavelength! This being present stuff is like magic–even though we know it, we must constantly bring ourselves back to it. Thanks for doing that with your blog! I especially love the idea of creating a mindful meal just for myself! What a wonderful way to honor self, the moment, and the food!
Martha says
Thanks for the kind words, Wendy! Always glad to have another Tolle-tuned connection (I just made that up — may have to use it again sometime!). If you didn’t click on the link within the post itself, you can read a couple of other pieces on mindful cooking and eating by clicking on that blog category on the home page. Bon appetite!
Tara DuBois says
This post is timely for me today! Finding quiet space is so important and you express it beautifully. I am learning more everyday how to let go of the mind chatter and be present and in the moment. For me there has always been this notion that the busier I am the more successful I will be. I have found this to be untrue and in fact, quite the opposite. Learning to take time for ourselves and get go within….away from the teenagers in the house…and be the example of living in the present. Your posts are refreshing and inspiring. :)
Martha says
Thanks so much, Tara! Finding the value is stillness is the first step. Every day offers another opportunity to practice it. And yes, especially with teenagers, I feel this is an essential example to set. As you know, “telling” them something doesn’t usually work. “Being” that same something over time is what will make a difference. So glad to hear your perspective — thanks for the comment!
Mia Rose says
I find that I’m craving stillness more and more these days. And the more I enter into stillness, the calmer and more harmonious my life feels. I appreciate the practical suggestions for actively building more stillness into my life. Thank you, Martha! :)
Martha says
So glad you connected with the piece, Mia. It’s definitely a two steps forward, one step back process for me. It amazes me, though, how something as simple as turning off the car radio can allow that calming sense of stillness to blossom. Thanks for the comment!
Deborah Smart says
Hmmm. Right now at this moment, I fully am taking in this post. Spot checking. I work in a very solitary environment. Sometimes the silence is deafening. I listen to various genre of music depending on the project. I have learned over the years to “enjoy my own company” (1). In fact, recently I have enjoyed it a great deal more since I carved out the back bedroom for my office. I have no TV (2) in this room. More times than not I have the radio off (3). Reading emails and social media posts (4) comes with my research work and I do have the distractions (watching silly video) most time under control. I have begun a daily 10 minute “Think Clearly” routine (5) in between project change overs. Beginning tomorrow I am on a 60-day Challenge to improve my breathe (6) and my physical health (7). Thank you Martha I believe I am right on track. The inner voice who guides me is the holy spirit. I definitely hear and sense this voice when the outer distractions are turned down or tuned out. No resolutions, just my theme to be “Precision Focused on Capturing My Dream in 2014.” Thank you for this post and allow me to comment. D.
Martha says
Wow, what a comment, Deborah! You’ve got it down, girl! “Precision Focused on Capturing My Dream in 2014.” You’re off to a great start! (And can I borrow that for my motto as well??” Thanks so much for showing us how it’s done. Keep up the great work! ~ Martha
Frances says
One of the strange laws of human nature is we tend to conform to that which is expected of us.
We become fixated on tasks we perceive will bring us (or the ones we love) fame, or pleasure, or glory, or happiness, [peace?] – taking time to quiet or inner self is difficult. You wrote: That level of conscious alertness only comes when we’ve quieted our minds. The stillness awakens us. We feel at peace, fully present and connected with our truest self. The stillness may awaken us but even the Dalai Lama said it takes many journeys before one finds [defines] peace. I’m just beginning…